Having had more problems setting up a simple 1 to 1 chat rather than a common chat application where people randomly meet and then go into a private room, I will collect here the collected knowledge base about it.
Thanks to a tutorial about private messages on:
http://www.flashcomguru.com/tutorials/private_msg.cfm
The solution seems to lie within creating server sided a remotely shared object, that passes on the messages from a client to the other.
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